I’m sitting at a café stealing wi-fi and overhear college girls talk about their boyfriends.

I know men have a preference for their junk to be adjusted in order of bean/frank/bean or bean/bean/frank, however I have never asked a man if he is BFB or BBF or FBB.

But after studying images of Australian Rules Football men, I realise there must be a Secret Man Rule passed through generations - or footy clubs - on how to pack the beans’n’franks to create the illusion of size, whilst ensuring their gazillion football-carrying DNA are proportionately protected.